Redneck Test

You Know You're A Redneck When...

You take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the same tree.
You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.
Your boat hasn't left the driveway in 15 years.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You think the "Nutcracker" is something you did off the high dive.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You offer someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
You've been involved in a custody battle over a hunting dog.
You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
You wonder how the service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
The biggest city you have ever been to is Walmart.
Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.
You've used the toilet brush to scratch your back.
You missed your 5th Grade graduation beause you were on jury duty.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
And last, but not least... Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth, so you take them out to see what it is.